the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it penis luge time yet?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You ruined the universe
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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