She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
