i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
