so explain again why im purple
no
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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