Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
