Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
