Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
