The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
