so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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