Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
