I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
