you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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