You can't special order awesome
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I cut my penus on the lid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
