Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
