Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
