cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We're too hungover to prance.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
