Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
