before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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