Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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