How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize