p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
