just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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