puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize