At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
