I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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