Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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