Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
