Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
