Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
