You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
