Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Houston, we have a blender
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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