some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize