So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
