Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize