i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
