so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
