i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just sucked dick on a ferry
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
