It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
