That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
