just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
