I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
