Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
