Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize