update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
