If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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