the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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