Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
