I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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