i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
