Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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