Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
