my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A+ Viking dick
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