2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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