i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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