I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
