I didn't shave. On purpose
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
