Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is my gift to your gina
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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