i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You ruined the universe
Randomize