just come out here and I will go home with you...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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