I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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