She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
