I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
