Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
