dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
