im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
