One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
