i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
