left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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