I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
