dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
