We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
